The biggest downside of a bad experience isn’t just the experience, it’s the fact that it can stop you from giving something another shot.
My parents worked in central government jobs all their lives. In those jobs, promotions were few and far between. Things apparently inched forward every few years as people stayed in one job all their lives and retired with great benefits like a pension.
The path to a promotion involved an interview. Of course, all promotions involved the usual suspects — some level of sucking up to seniors you didn’t respect and acting like you’re doing a lot of hard work. At some point, my dad attended an interview and something about the process made him feel uneasy. When he didn’t get the promotion, he didn’t appear for an interview for a few years, as the entire process disheartened him. More than not getting the promotion, it was the flimsy reasons given to him that ticked him off.
For a few years, he refused to attend an interview until a well-meaning colleague goaded him and encouraged him to give the process a second chance. It was his colleague's way of telling him that not interviewers are idiotic bozos and not all interviews are shams.
This is what I call ruined by a bad experience.
Something occurs that puts you off from trying again and giving something worthwhile a second shot, worthwhile being the operating word here.
When you check the review for a product and chance upon even one customer who has given a one or two-star review, you quickly backtrack, ignoring all the other glowing reviews. Someone’s bad experience has indirectly ruined yours.
When you have a bad managerial experience (I use the word leadership very sparingly these days) and that shakes you up enough not to take up a leadership position where you are responsible for others as what you experienced made you squirm, you’re not giving yourself the chance to grow. On the other hand, if you have decided that you don’t want the responsibility that true and genuine leadership demands, it’s fine. But if a bad experience is holding you back, you’re being unfair to yourself.
A bad experience at a hotel caused by one rude clerk can cause you to write off an entire chain, making you miss out on many great experiences.
A bad experience in an organization can cause you to write off that entire place, even after the people who made your life miserable no longer work there.
The biggest downside of a bad experience isn’t just the experience, it’s the fact that it can stop you from giving something another shot. This isn’t about working again with people who made your life hell. It’s about not letting that experience turn you away from growing.
We have all had this experience where our team is losing. It looks like there is no hope and we switch off the television, disappointment writ large on our faces.
Then we somehow get word from someone that our team is closing in on victory. One player is playing the innings of a lifetime and has turned the match over its head by throwing caution to the wind.
That is exactly what happened in the second match of the Ashes series where Ben Stokes played what will go down as one of the best innings in test cricket. England was 73 runs away from an improbable victory and Australia were just a wicket away from securing the Ashes.
In an audacious passage of play, the likes of which come around like a Haley’s Comet, Stokes played some breathtaking strokes that had everyone’s hearts in their mouths.
And led England to one of their most unlikely wins.
Learn from a bad experience but don’t let make you not want to try again.
