If you think you can’t accomplish something, you wouldn’t be frustrated when you don’t accomplish it
After the 2019 Cricket World Cup, it was widely assumed that MS Dhoni would retire and that Rishab Pant would take over from him. While the former hasn’t happened yet, it seems that the young Rishab Pant is being groomed as the first-choice wicket-keeper. In a press conference before the South Africa series, coach Ravi Shastri spoke about how Pant’s shot selection and impatience has let the team down. Though he is only 20 years of age, it looks like he is being expected to grow up fast. The coach and management seem to be telling him that he is a prodigious talent and that he really can’t afford to get carried away and continue to lose his wicket by playing rash shots.
Another player who evoked awe and frustration in equal measure during his playing days was Virender Sehwag. Back in the day, coach John Wright pulled him by the collar and gave him a piece of mind for playing a rash shot. Virender Sehwag was another player who would lose his wicket by going for one shot too many, frustrating everyone around him.
There are broadly two kinds of frustration:
a) Outward frustration
b) Inward frustration
Outward frustration is frustration with someone else or something out of your control.
Inward frustration is getting frustrated with yourself for not accomplishing something you set out to do.
Another way to look at frustration is to see it through the lens of how the late Stephen Covey defined it. He said there are two circles — the circle of control and the circle of influence.
In simple terms, the circle of control are things we can’t control but yet have the capacity to have an effect on us. The economy, the rude manager, the traffic, the new policy that can affect your business, the indifferent employee, the duplicitous co-worker — all of these frustrate you in some way, but you can’t really control them.
The circle of influence is a list of things that you have more control over — your behavious, your habits, your goal-setting abilities, your ability to offer a solution and be a positive role model to someone.
Frustration rachets when we focus more on our circle of control.
And genuine frustration stems from what I call ‘the gap’.
I define the gap as the difference between how something can be and how it actually is.
Most frustration is basically an unmet expectation. This applies to when you are frustrated with someone and when someone is frustrated with you.
Think about it — if you think you can’t accomplish something, you wouldn’t be frustrated when you don’t accomplish it!
You promise yourself that you won’t get distracted but spend an hour on facebook.
You promise yourself you will exercise but press the snooze button when the alarm rings.
You promise yourself that you will cut down on your sweet intake and eat a bowl full of ice-cream.
Why do you get frustrated when you fall short? It’s because you know that you’re not doing something you should or can do. You don’t get frustrated with yourself for not running a marathon, but you do get frustrated with yourself for not exercising for half an hour. That’s because it is something you can do.
Rishab Pant should be happy that people have high expectations from him. It’s now on him to ensure that he doesn’t frustrate all those that have put their faith in his fantastic abilities.
When your expectations from someone are low or non-existent, you might be disappointed with what you’re dealing with but I doubt you can endlessly be frustrated with them.
It’s impossible to go through life without being frustrated or frustrating someone.
On the other hand, seeing your frustration as a gap that can be worked on is a positive step instead of merely getting more frustrated.
