Parents may grudgingly accept their child’s choice of an offbeat career over a traditional one but when they see them excel, they are proud. If the child had merely wanted to keep their parents happy, they might not have done them proud.
Shawn Achor’s wonderful book, ‘The Happiness Advantage’, has wonderful insights on how happiness and positivity have far-reaching effects on our performance. While many books have been written on how we can be happier, the connection between happiness and workplace performance has only recently gained more traction. The book is unique in the sense that it has case-studies and examples of how happiness affects performance in the workplace, something most people are seeking but are finding hard to achieve.
In fact, if you look for books on happiness, you’ll find a never-ending list.
Like most religious texts, most books on a similar topic ultimately arrive at very similar takeaways. Happiness is no different.
In today’s world, we resort to many superficial ways to achieve happiness.
Feeling a little low and need some attention? Change your profile picture.
Feeling blah? Shop for something on Amazon.
Feeling bored? Order junk from a food app.
None of these are pathways to true and lasting happiness.
I suppose the number of books being written on happiness is a direct reflection of people trying to seek it.
There are two sides to happiness:
a) The happiness we derive from something we do for ourselves (not to be mistaken with cotton-candy gratification)
b) The happiness we derive from making others happy
Of the two, making someone else genuinely happy has much greater multiplier effects than just doing something for ourselves.
But what does making someone happy really mean?
Here’s where things get a little tricky.
Making someone happy is sometimes confused with making someone proud.
For instance, parents may grudgingly accept their child’s choice of an offbeat career over a traditional one but when they see them excel, they are proud. If the child had merely wanted to keep their parents happy, they might not have done them proud.
It’s also easier to make someone happy, even temporarily or grudgingly, than it is to make them proud.
You can toe someone’s line, be diplomatic, tell a lie about how much you care, force a smile, fake affection, raise someone’s hopes and keep someone reasonably happy. When we do this, we are faking it. When someone does it to us, in most cases we can call their bluff. When we endlessly try to make a decidedly unhappy person or someone we don’t respect happy, it can drain us.
Now, what does make someone proud mean?
In broad terms, it means someone is happy for our success. Proud is a relative term but what I am referring to is something that brings out genuine affection and warmth from someone who cares about us.
The other thing about someone being proud of you is that it’s incredibly hard to fake. It involves a level of attachment and commitment. Someone who is faking it won’t make the effort to find happiness in your success.
Sometimes, we mix up this ratio. We try and make people we don’t like happy and invest less time in finding the people who genuinely want us to succeed.
I have this vision in my head. I imagine my book launch. I look up and see almost every person that has helped and influenced me in a positive way being present there. When, not if that day comes, I’m sure not everyone will be there but I kind of know who those people will be, or rather, the people I will call and say ‘I wrote my book and I would love you to be there for the launch.’
A lot of happiness can be derived when you have people on your side who are truly proud of you.
